The Yoruba tribe, one of the three most recognized tribes in West Africa, primarily resides in the southwest part of Nigeria. Their traditional wedding customs, known as "Igbeyawo," which means "taking a wife," are deeply rooted in their culture and traditions. The Yoruba place a high value on the bond between a man and a woman; they view marriage as a sacred and happy occasion.
For the Yoruba, marriage entails bonding with every member of the family in addition to simply marrying a wife. As is said in Yoruba culture, family means a man marrying a woman and embracing all her family members. As for the lady, it is said that she is going to her family house. However, in this context, her husband’s house is referred to as her family house because she is marrying not just the husband but also every member of the household. The Yoruba tribe refers to this tradition as a way of teaching their children the ethics of behaving when they get married.
Nigerian wedding traditions and customs are colorful & festive, and filled to the brim with music, food, and dancing! This is what some people refer to as ‘we bring the party to you’, this is a slang term used in this part of the region to qualify an event where a lot of celebration takes place and you get to eat special and various kinds of foods such as ‘our highly celebrated Jollof rice’ accompanied with a lot of beef and drinks. In Yoruba tribes, “Igbeyawo” ceremonies last a minimum of two days and a maximum of one week. This can vary as a result of individual wealth, influence, and family dynamics.
In Yoruba culture, education is not a prerequisite for marriage. You can wed anybody you think is right for you and who will make you happy. The “Owambe” (meal is there) is what we refer to as the highlights of marriage in the Yoruba tribe. This is what everyone looks forward to and makes it one of the most talked-about events in all the tribes in Nigeria.
Pre-Wedding Traditions
Before the grand Engagement Ceremony takes place, there are key rituals and traditions that must happen. These pre-engagement events are a crucial part of the wedding journey, reflecting the deep cultural roots and strong familial ties.
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When a man sees a lady he likes, it is not permitted for the man and woman to meet before the marriage rites are performed in the Yoruba tribe since celibacy is so highly valued and celebrated and not taken for granted.
The Alarina (Intermediary)
The man will have to meet and communicate with someone known as “ALARINA,” which means “intermediary.” This intermediary may be a buddy, sibling, or elderly family member. Anyone associated with the lady is also eligible to play this part. This person will inform the lady of the man’s intentions.
When the lady becomes aware that someone likes her and she likes the person back, the intermediary will then let the bride’s parents know that a man is interested in their daughter’s hand. The bride’s parents will next call their daughter and inquire about her feelings for the man in question.
Once she replies positively, the bride’s family will begin looking into the groom’s family, including their history, clan, any illnesses that might run in the family, and other factors. When everything has been completed correctly and without any problems, the bride’s parents will instruct the Asoju/Alarina to invite the groom and his family to their home, where the date of the wedding will then be discussed.
Meet and Greet
“Mọ mí kí Mọ ẹ” (Meet and Greet), referred to as introduction, is the process of the groom’s and bride’s families meeting. The phase is only the first step and there is no payment involved. The Introduction Ceremony marks the initial step in the journey towards matrimony. Often held at the bride’s family home, this event brings both families together for the first time. During this intimate gathering, gifts are exchanged between the families, symbolizing mutual respect and goodwill.
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Following the engagement announcement to the families, the bride’s family will set a date for the families to meet, and the introduction takes place at the bride’s family home. Also, the introduction is not only for the immediate members of the bride and groom’s families. Both extended family members are required to be there as well and all will meet each other for the first time too. The completion of the family introduction meeting jump-starts the wedding planning phase.
Back in the day, the family introduction is a small ceremony held in the bride’s family home. But today, all that has changed. The Eru Iyawo List comes from the eldest member of the bride’s family.
Eru Iyawo (Engagement List)
The bride’s family first asks the bride-to-be what she would like to receive from her husband first. This is written down and is known as the IRU IYAWO (Engagement list), after which the family of the bride will then write their list. All of these will be sent across to the groom’s family, and this is what they are expected to bring when coming for the engagement ceremony.
The Eru Iyawo is a cherished tradition where the groom’s family presents valuable gifts and items to the bride. The list contains items the groom and his family must present to the bride’s family and community members on the wedding day along with some cash in an envelope to be used for various activities during the wedding ceremony.
Also, in regards to the Eru Iyawo List, the bride does not have say or contribution on the items requested on the list. However, the bride and the groom’s families can discuss the list and finalize what the groom and his family brings on the wedding day. Furthermore, depending on your Yoruba community within the Yoruba land, the Eru Iyawo List might differ a little to include more or less items.
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The Eru Iyawo is a traditional requirement that has been practiced for generations and passed down to the next generation. It’s a very important practice for the groom and his family to bring the items agreed upon for the bride’s family. It’s a show of appreciation for having raised a daughter that is set to be married to the groom.
The groom and his family must buy and package the Eru Iyawo items for the ceremony. Bride Price (Amount between N1,000 to N5,000 for most Yoruba families. Other monetary amounts will be required for the groom to provide.
Here are some examples of items that are included in the Eru Iyawo:
- Orogbo- Kola nut
- Obi-Bitter Kola
- Ireke- Sugarcane
- Adun- Sugar
- Oyin- Honey
- Ejagbigbe- Dry fish, specifically the head
- Ẹrú Ìyàwó - Bridal things
- Yam (41pcs)
- Salt
- Vegetable oil
- Red oil
- Rice
- Sugar
- A basket of fruits
- Fish
- Honey
- Bitter kola
- Kola nut
- Water
- Umbrella
- Seaman’s Schnapps
- Envelopes of money
A Yoruba bride and groom adorned in traditional attire.
The Engagement Ceremony (Idana)
‘IDANA’ the second phase is the actual Traditional Marriage known as Engagement. The engagement ceremony takes place in the bride’s compound, or ‘Igbagede’-open space which is modernized now into event centers and large spaces, due to lack of space in the bride’s house or other factors.
The families of the bride and groom-to-be will select a uniform garment for the traditional ceremony. This garment is known as ‘SANYAN’ and is more often known by the modernized name of ‘ASO-EBI’.
As soon as they get to Igbagede, the two families will be seated opposite one another in the open area. The Alaga iduro, also known as the chairperson, approaches the bride’s family and formally asks for their daughter’s hand in marriage. She does this by saying, “On behalf of so and so family, (inserting the name of the groom’s family and the community they come from) we are here to seek a beautiful flower we saw in your garden. Would you permit us to do that?”
The chairperson will return to the groom’s side after the bride’s parents have responded positively and let them know. They will then sing with all of their instruments, such as “benbe” and “ishekere,” in celebration as they move to the bride’s parent’s side. In today’s marriage, this instrument is modernized to music and drums.
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Idobale - Prostration
The entire groom’s family prostrates itself to show their gratitude to the bride’s family for agreeing to give their daughter’s hand in marriage. In modern marriages, this prostration is performed seven times. In earlier marriages, there was no assigned number. The bride’s family will then signal their acceptance by asking them to stand up and lead them back to their seats.
Afihan Iyawo - Ushering the Bride In
People from the bride’s family known as “IYAWO ILE” carry out this process. The groom’s family will be asked to pay for the cost of transportation (owo okor) before the bride is brought out. There is no set amount for this as whatever they have is sufficient. They occasionally go on to demand more money, known as “Ibombo” (we trained your bride and fed her properly). When this payment has been received by the iyawo ile, the bride will be brought out and she will be accompanied by singing praises (Oriki), and various types of music.
Iwure - Praying Session
The bride is first taken to her family, where she is prayed for, and then she is moved to the side of the groom’s family, where the groom’s father will be the one to reveal the bride’s face. The ‘OWO ISIJU’ (opening of the bride’s face) fee is what he must pay before revealing her face; it is not only paid by the bride’s father but can be supported by the family too, and there is no set amount associated with it. The bride’s family will then offer prayers after that.
Finding the Husband
The husband is seated amidst his friends and the bride will be instructed by the chairperson to look for her husband in the crowd and make him wear a cap, While she is finding the husband she is singing a song that goes thus “Ẹnì fìlà mí báwo orí ẹ lómí a dé” it means anyone my cap fit in will take it. This signifies she knows who she wants to get married to and is sure of it. When she does, the husband is then taken out of the crowd to seat with his wife.
A Yoruba bride in traditional attire.
Sealing of the Engagement
After the wife has identified her husband both of them will be seated together and the marriage will be sealed using the following.
- Ogede- Banana which signifies fruitfulness of marriage
- Oyin- Honey, sugarcane, and sugar, it means their marriage will be sweet
- Iyo- salt signifies tastiness, and means their marriage will never be sour
- Orogbo- Bitter Kola means they will last like bitter kola
- Obi- Kolanut to wave sickness and diseases
- Eja Abori- Fish Head means they will always overcome their enemies
- Seaman’s Schnapps - legendary alcohol signifies forever in the marriage
- Cash Envelopes These are envelopes that come in multiples with names inscribed on them. They are given to the bride’s family to cross-check if they are complete. If they are, the chairperson then makes an announcement and the wedding ceremony is over. The marriage is fully official.
After Marriage Custom
Sending off the bride (this tradition is no longer honored in today’s traditional marriage). After the traditional marriage, a formal white wedding can follow depending on the religious beliefs of each family. and the aunts and existing wives on the groom’s side all follow the bride as she will have to walk to the house, accompanied by songs to make her happy.
When they are about to arrive at the groom’s family house the groom is not expected to be met at home till the process is done. Water will be poured at the feet of the wife (1st set of pouring) signifying that she is entering the house in peace. This process is repeated (2nd pouring), and finally, when the bride steps into the house the last water is poured on her leg and she makes sure she steps on the water and then settles inside the house. After which she will be handed over to the eldest wife in the house, who will take her to her room and pray for her. Then to her father and mother-in-law’s room where she will receive another prayer. After this process the groom is allowed inside the house.
Other Chores
The wife will be given a variety of food from both families. The food from her side of the family is delivered daily for 7 days in an amount that allows her and her husband’s family to dine together. Additionally, she must change into fresh clothes every day for seven days at her husband’s family home, even if she doesn’t leave the house during that time.
7 Day Celebration
The wife will be honored with a celebration after the seventh day, following which she can leave the house and move freely.
However it is taboo for the groom not to meet his wife as a virgin as there is always a virginity confirmation at midnight of the wedding. If this happens it can cause serious calamities between the families and most times leads to the nullification of the marriage. And bringing great shame to the family of the bride and her people.
As modernization and religion have taken hold, all of these ancient marital rituals have evolved. While some are still observed, most are not.
The “Nikkai” by Muslims and the Church ceremony or registry by Christians are the other third phases of marriage; these third phases are only frequently used in modern marriages.
Attire and Appearance
Yoruba culture has a rich history of textile weaving, embroidery and dyeing. "We use weddings as the perfect occasion to show off those traditions," Ajibade explains. These colors or patterns are something called aso-ebi (pronounced ah-sho-eh-bee). "Conceptually, aso-ebi is not unique to your people, but the word itself is a Yoruba word that means 'family garments,'" says Ajibade. "Typically, both families will each choose a fabric type or color profile that they want their guests to wear to symbolize their relationship with either the bride's or the groom's family.
Attire: The bride and groom wear traditional Yoruba attire, which is usually bright and elaborately adorned with beads and embroidery.
Men typically wear “agbadas” or “buba and sokoto,” (translated in english to “shirt and pants”) which are traditional Nigerian clothing styles.
Small chops are served before and during the traditional wedding. For dinner, many couples decide to have a buffet dinner to give guests more options and the ability for seconds. For more formal weddings, some of our couples choose to have a plated meal. In this case, 2-3 meal options are provided to guests to select as part of their RSVP. For plated meals, we recommend no more than 5 items on a plate.
Here are some of the key elements of Yoruba wedding attire:
- Aso Oke: A prominent fabric in Nigerian Yoruba weddings, used to create various elements of the bride and groom’s attire. It is a handwoven textile that comes in rich and vibrant colors, often with intricate patterns and designs.
- Agbada: A traditional Nigerian outfit worn by men during special occasions like weddings. It consists of three main pieces: a long-sleeved shirt, a matching pair of trousers, and a large, intricately embroidered “robe” worn over the gown. The Agbada is often made from luxurious fabrics like silk, brocade, or damask, and the embroidery work is meticulously crafted to display exquisite patterns and designs.
- Gele: A head wrap worn by both the bride and other female guests. It is an artful display of fabric manipulation, skillfully wrapped around the head to form an elegant and elaborate headpiece. Geles are available in various colors, patterns, and fabrics, including Aso Oke.
- Coral Beads: Coral beads are an integral part of the bride and groom’s jewelry in a Yoruba wedding. These vibrant, deep coral colored beads are believed to bring good luck, protection, and fertility to the bride. The beads are intricately strung together to create beautiful necklaces, bracelets, earrings, head pieces, etc. Yoruba brides typically wear a gele but can also wear coral beads in their hair for their second outfit change if desired.
A Yoruba couple showcasing traditional wedding attire.
Roles and Responsibilities
A Traditional Nigerian Engagement Ceremony is a harmonious symphony of roles that come together to create a celebration that is as vibrant as it is meaningful. At the heart of the engagement ceremony stands the Alaga Iduro who is always a woman. The Alaga Iduro serves as the official representative of the groom’s family; guiding the proceedings with a deep understanding of the cultural intricacies. Complementing the Alaga Iduro is the Alaga Ijoko, a role that represents the bride’s family. This role is always a woman.
The engagement ceremony also incorporates talking drummers. With drums that seem to converse through beats, they infuse the air with an irresistible energy, heightening the emotions of the moment. These skilled musicians do more than create music; they tell stories through their rhythms, evoking the spirits of ancestors and breathing life into age-old customs.
Elevating the festivities to a crescendo is the Live Nigerian Band, a dynamic force that fills the air with melodies that enthrall and enchant. The band captures the essence of celebration in every note. The band typically begins playing after the ceremony and dinner is complete. If you are not having a DJ, the band can play for the entire night.
Reception and Festivities
Nigerian Yoruba weddings are known for their lively and festive atmosphere. Guest Involvement: Nigerian weddings are known for their inclusivity and community involvement.
Throughout the ceremony, the groom has to earn the love and honor of the bride’s family and this is one way he does it.
During a cultural Nigerian wedding ceremony, the bride and groom cut a cake! This tradition is different from what we’re used to seeing at American weddings when the cake is typically cut during the reception.
Food for the party after the ceremony is typically provided by the family of the bride. Traditionally, the entire meal is prepared by the bride’s mom and her family, in her home kitchen.
Here are some of the key highlights of the reception:
- The Groom Prostrating: In a Yoruba wedding, the groom’s prostration is a poignant moment. He shows deep respect to the bride’s family by kneeling and touching his forehead to the ground.
- Bride and Groom Dancing in with Their Friends (Separately): For their entrances, the bride and groom dance with their friends separately into the venue.
- The Dowry: The dowry involves gifts and money provided from the groom’s family to the bride’s family.
Customs and Etiquette
While there is no strict gift-giving tradition, it is customary to give monetary gifts to the couple by “spraying” them. The spraying tradition involves guests showering the couple with money during dances and celebrations.
