Ethiopia is a culturally diverse country with various wedding traditions. The beauty of Ethiopian weddings begins long before the big day, with plenty of meaningful prewedding and engagement customs. Family involvement remains a common feature in every aspect of the wedding. If you are headed to Ethiopia for a friend's traditional Ethiopian wedding or are engaged and looking to honor you or your partner's Ethiopian roots, there are a couple of Ethiopian wedding traditions you can incorporate into the big day celebrating your everlasting love.
Here's what you should know about what happens before the big day.
Pre-Wedding Traditions
The Shimagelay
The Shimagelay ceremony typically takes place during the morning of the wedding ceremony and involves the future groom sending senior members of his family to the bride's home to request her hand in marriage. The elders elaborate on the groom's background, family upbringing, and qualities, trying to convince the bride's parents that he can care for her financially, emotionally, and spiritually.
As for the bride's family, they usually resist at the door. There is a friendly and fun tussle before they finally let the groom into the house. Once he is in, he presents his gift to the bride and then everyone dances and enjoys Ethiopian coffee and breakfast together before heading to the ceremony.
Traditionally, marriages in Ethiopia were arranged by the family of the bride and groom. Before the wedding, the community elders conduct a genealogical tree study of the families of the bride and groom up to 7 generations to see if there is a kinship between them. Marriage is forbidden among relatives, godparent with godchild, and with persons related by marriage.
Read also: Cultural Wedding Celebration
Hammer Tribe wedding ceremony by Meskeleyesus
Traditional Harari Engagement Traditions
Within the Harari culture, the formal engagement involves delivering Kusha Khaat, a gift of sweets and chat leaves, to the bride's family. The leaves hold great significance in Harari culture. The bride's family does not immediately accept the proposal and asks the representatives to return. This allows for a convenient time to respond and places the bride's family on a pedestal.
Tilosh
Tilosh is an event that usually takes place the night before the wedding. Selected members of the groom’s family, his groomsmen and best man, as messengers for the groom, go to the bride’s parents' home with a suitcase full of gifts for the bride. Upon arrival, they are received by the parents, relatives, and bridesmaids.
The bride is not present during this event. They will first greet the parents and other elders in the home with a kiss on the knees as a sign of respect. Then, they would stand in front of the hosts who demand to see the items inside the suitcases. The best man does the majority of the talking, and before he takes out each item, he would first give exaggerated descriptions and phrases to make the item appear more expensive/rare. In response, the bride’s family and bridesmaids would deliberately belittle the value of each gift.
In addition, while the best man is presenting a certain gift, a bridesmaid will sneak and take an item from the suitcase such as a shoe, or an earring. When the best man goes to present the item and only has 1 of a pair, the hosts will ridicule the groom for only bringing only one shoe or item. The groomsmen will respond by saying it was not their groom, but a jealous bridesmaid that did such mischief. This entertaining and theatrical banter continues until the bridesmaids receive each gift.
Read also: Culture and Style in Ethiopian Weddings
Wedding Attire
With regard to attire, women usually wear Habesha Kemis (which are ankle-length dresses commonly worn to formal events). These dresses are usually white and contain Ethiopian print around the neckline. Meanwhile, men usually wear Habesha Libs. You should be prepared to dress up for the occasion.
The different regions in Ethiopia have different clothing styles that are sometimes represented on the wedding day as well.
Guests are expected to wear the Gey Ganafi or Fotha outfits, without outshining the bride, for a traditional Harari wedding. The bride is dressed in the most extravagant Gey Ganafi outfit with jewelry from head to toe, and she distinguishes herself with a Siyaasa, a piece of jewelry worn on her head.
Ethiopian wedding attire
The Wedding Ceremony
Wondering what to expect when it comes to the actual wedding ceremony? Here is your guide to traditional Ethiopian wedding ceremony customs. Since much of the Ethiopian population is Christian or Muslim, traditional Ethiopian weddings usually take place in a church or mosque. The wedding ceremony (the how) depends on the couple's denomination, whether they are Orthodox, Catholic, or Protestant. The processional will vary based on the couple's religious background.
Read also: Redefining Bridal Style
On the wedding day, the ceremony is conducted by the priest. During the ceremony, the bride and groom sit and the priest stands behind them, which is done to show that the bride and groom are the "king" and "queen" for the day and should be given due respect.
The family and guests are all dressed in Habesha clothes and are seated and awaiting the arrival of the bridal party. The groom and bridal party walk in first and wait for the bride. The bride walks down the aisle with her father, and everyone in the church must rise and welcome the bride. Once the priests have done their blessing and the bride and groom exchange vows (a ritual that can last up to 3 hours), they will be deemed husband and wife!
As for the wedding ceremony processional, it's similar to western weddings except that the groom and groomsmen stand on the left side of the altar and bride and bridesmaid stand on the right.
Ethiopian Wedding Reception Traditions
Ethiopian wedding receptions are beautiful, festive events packed with plenty of singing and dancing. Here's what you should know about traditional Ethiopian wedding receptions.
Wedding receptions tend to be the time when people can let loose and truly celebrate the wedding ceremony that has just occurred. They have more relaxed environments, and people can freely express the joy of the new marriage. Ethiopian wedding receptions are no exception; they are very celebratory.
My informant values and appreciates actual wedding ceremonies, but she admits that the receptions are more fun. As she said, many more people attend the reception than the ceremony for that reason-and for the food.
Ethiopian Traditional Wedding Song
To kick off the wedding reception, the newlyweds generally enter with a special song. When entering the reception, it is common for the newlyweds to enter the venue to the traditional Amharic song "Mushiraye".
Traditional Ethiopian Wedding Dance
Depending on the region where the wedding takes place, there may be different traditional dances. In the Amhara region, a traditional wedding dance may include the Eskista.
Traditional Ethiopian Wedding Food
Traditional Ethiopian wedding food may include "Doro Wat (chicken stew), Injera, Kitfo (beef tartare/minced with spices, butter), rice and goat meat, sambusa's, lasagnas, etc, and Yebeg tibs (lamb stew with jalapenos)". Desserts may be a staple of Ethiopian weddings, especially for the Harari people. There is "lots of butter biscuits, Halawa (sweet jelly dessert), Atriya (sweet vermicelli) and coffee and tea served".
Here are some common Ethiopian dishes served at weddings:
| Dish | Description |
|---|---|
| Doro Wat | Chicken stew |
| Injera | A thin, bubbly pancake made from sorghum or tef |
| Kitfo | Beef tartare/minced with spices and butter |
| Yebeg Tibs | Lamb stew with jalapenos |
Ethiopian wedding food
Gursha
It reaches a time, during the feast where couples have to perform the Gursha. Essentially, this is feeding each other, an Ethiopian tradition showing that you care for each other. What’s unique with the Gursha is that guests watch the couple feed each other till their meals are finished before they serve themselves.
Post-Wedding Customs
The traditions don't stop once the wedding day ends. Many Ethiopian weddings also include a unique postwedding tradition the day after the main event.
Ethiopian Melse Wedding
Festivities continue the day following the wedding reception. The Melse is an event reception that occurs on the day after the wedding reception. Only close friends and family attend this event, and it's usually hosted by the bride's side of the family. The bride and groom wear their best habesha outfits coupled with a Kaba/Ethiopian embroidered cape and head jewelry. The bridal party and guests also wear traditional habesha clothes.
Kilikil
Kilikil is an intimate reception event held a day or two after the Melse hosted by the Groom’s family. The word Kilkil means mixing. This event allows members of each side of the bride and groom to gather and mingle one another intimately. The entire bridal party is also invited and are the ones serving/hosting the guests. This is also where both the bride and the groom pay their final respects to their families as they are hosting the guests and making sure families are well acquainted.
