At some point in our lives we’ll lose someone or something that defines our very being. Sara Wilkinson lost her husband when he died by suicide in 2018. Navy SEAL Chad Wilkinson was one of our nation’s finest Special Operators, having served 21 years in the Navy, with many of those on Seal Team 6.
Before that fateful date which changed everything, Chad was known as an extraordinary operator, leader and family man. Both his father and uncle had been SEALs, making it a lifelong goal for him.
Sara joined host Fran Racioppi to share the love story between her and Chad, reducing the stigmas around Veteran suicide, what it takes to serve as a military spouse and the Chad1000X WOD.
Honoring Chad Wilkinson and Supporting Veteran Mental Health
A Love Story Rooted in Military Life
Yours is a love story that went back to high school. It stemmed from two sets of military parents, yours and his, and it began with a, “Hey,” from Chad in the hallway. I read that you went to fifteen schools by the time you were in twelfth grade.
Read also: The Life of Chad Everett Harris
We were military kids that went to a military high school, which for most people now, are non-existent. Maybe two DOD high schools still exist. I said it before but I saw him on the first day of my freshman year. In PE class, I saw a profile of his face because he turned for roll call and said, “Here.” I still remember that like it was yesterday. He had this blue collared shirt on. I saw his profile, and I was done. This was PE class. We wore uniforms, the red stretchy shorts with the ringer T-shirt with a Q in the front because our high school was Quantico.
I would always rush back into the basketball court to go to the water fountain because I knew that he came out and went to the water fountain. I was that girl that was trying to cross some paths with him. Our school was small. There wasn’t room for bullying, cliques or anything like that. Everyone knew everyone and was friends with everyone. We were friends for two years and hung out with the same group. He was older than me but I always had a crush on him.
We dated long distance for seven years, more or less. I moved away. My dad’s duty station changed. I moved down to North Carolina. He was a 16 or 17-year-old guy, and his parents were giving him permission to drive six and a half hours South on the weekends to come to see me and then turn around and drive that distance back home. That continued, and I went away to college. He went to BUD/S. It was always in his plan to be a Navy SEAL.
He went away to BUD/S. We were long-distance, broke up, got back together, did that whole dance before, ultimately, he called me on his first deployment. We were broken up. He was like, “I’ve got to see you.” I said, “You know where I am.” He came home from deployment and showed up on my doorstep. That was it.
Part of it is legacy. Chad’s dad and uncle were both SEALs. They weren’t career SEALs as far as twenty years. Growing up, Chad was the oldest of four. He has two brothers and a sister. He was the pack leader. Also, if you think about kids in the ‘80s, that’s when we played outside. That’s when you ride your bike, get dirty, and jump off of stuff. That’s how he grew up, in addition to knowing the history of his dad and his uncle. He was a military kid. That set the precedent of being in the military and serving your country, and something greater than yourself was what called to his heart.
Read also: "Married to Evil": Chad Graves
The Hardships of Being a Military Spouse
There’s a saying that being a spouse of a service member is the hardest job in the military, and I would argue too that being the spouse of a Special Operator is the hardest of the hard. The tip of the spear is what we said in SF. It’s easy as the service member or the Special Operations Operator to deploy. You know what’s going on all the time. You are in the thick of it.
It’s not for the faint of heart. Sometimes, I think about how Chad and I’s relationship started. I fell in love with him long before he became a Navy SEAL. I can see how certain jobs in the military might be enticing for some people and attract those people together but I knew him as Chad first and a Navy SEAL second.
You have to be incredibly independent because you are going to spend an exorbitant amount of time alone from your spouse. I can’t even count how many birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and how many Christmas trees I bought on my own. You have to be able to handle yourself and your family that you create, the children that you are raising, alone and be okay with that. You have to be fearless because you are also going to face everyday hardships, often on your own without the support of your spouse because they are deployed but also fearless because your person is going to be gone, and you are not going to know what they are doing all the time. Especially in Special Operations or Special Forces, there’s no safety net. These guys are out kicking in doors on the regular, and that can be a little overwhelming if you can’t put yourself in the right headspace.
My biggest concern was my concern for him. We lived our life in the sense that I didn’t complain to him about anything that was happening back home. My hot water heater broke in my attic once and flooded part of the upstairs. I had cars break down. It’s daily things that every person encounters but if he called me, it was like, “Everything is good. He’s in his shitty living conditions, not eating great food, not getting a lot of sleep, and then he’s sitting there wondering like, “How’s my wife going to get the car fixed?” I needed him to know that I had it covered but what I worried about was him. Was he getting enough sleep? Did he feel safe? Did he have enough to eat? Did he miss us? Was he okay?
Besides worrying about him and our kids because I’m a mom, and it’s what moms do, I try to make sure that my kids can grow up and hopefully feel that they are supported and loved always. Both parents are proud of them even when he’s absent so much.
Read also: Vallow-Daybell Trial: Key Evidence
Transitioning to Civilian Life and Back
Chad did an initial stint in the Navy, and then in 2008, he decided to transition out and transition to civilian life. The grass is always greener. It’s that whole concept that life is going to be better over there. We were military kids our whole life. He then joined the military. We became a family in the military. Once I was pregnant with our second child, our son, we had this feeling that he’s done it. He has done the whole Navy SEAL. He finished BUD/S. He went to a team. He did deployments. Chad was a goal setter, and he always accomplished every goal he set, which was freakishly annoying sometimes but for both of us, after a couple of years and having our second child, we thought that the grass was greener. We are going to go over there, and we are going to create a life for our kids that we didn’t necessarily have. We are going to have that 9:00 to 5:00 job and have weekends together.
Transition is hard. You think about people who operate. They rev high but they operate in this element of stress where they are always stimulated. There’s always something new and exciting that’s stimulating the brain and the body to do more and push further and farther. I have said before that I’m a big believer people are creatures of habit, whether it’s a good habit or a bad habit, we like what we know. I have seen people transition to this military lifestyle. It takes a little while, and then eventually, they find their own heartbeat in the civilian world. They can make that transition.
For Chad and I, we’ve got out of the military, and from an outsider’s perspective or our family’s perspective, everything was great because he had a great job, he made good money. We had our two kids, a cute house, and neighbors we enjoyed. There was all of that stuff but if you look at all the things he left behind, he couldn’t find any of that in his civilian life, and neither could I.
The Bonds Between Military Spouses
It’s often the thing that you don’t even think about during transition. Can you talk a bit about what it means in the spouse network?
You naturally make friends. You gravitate towards other people, whether it’s formally or informally. I have made some of the greatest friendships of my life here, and some of my oldest friends go back to those teammate days.
Especially in a world like the one I have been in, where your husband is a Navy SEAL and goes away on deployment, you don’t always know where he is. You kind of know where he is or you don’t know what he’s doing, that’s odd for the mainstream society that you don’t get to talk to your husband every day. It’s the fact that you don’t have to explain that to others in your friendship circle. There’s this underlining knowing amongst you that’s comforting. It’s also comforting knowing that they feel the same stressors you feel in terms of juggling your children, getting your car fixed, getting your hot water fixed or worrying about their safety. When a spouse says, “My husband is leaving on deployment in two days,” you look at each other and shake your head. You know what that feeling is when they go away. You constantly have someone to lean on. It’s almost indescribable. It is one of those things that you have to feel, you have to be there or you have to know it to be able to properly experience and express it.
It was three years that he spent out of the military and the Navy, and then he went back. We did this little juggle. We were on the East Coast. He had to go out to the West Coast to do some training because he hadn’t deployed in three years and then fast-tracked back over to the East Coast. He was three years out and then came back in and screened for SEAL Team Six.
The Invisible Wounds
October 29, 2018, Navy SEAL Chad Wilkinson took his life. While approaching his 21st year active duty and experiencing multiple combat deployments, his body and his mind had taken too much. Following his death, his family donated his brain to science and would later learn he suffered from interface astroglial scarring. This scarring is similar to the more readily heard chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) or punch drunk.
However, interface astroglial scarring is specific to our veterans in that it doesn’t necessarily occur with physical contact or trauma but rather blast waves they are exposed to in both training and combat.
Though he walked away from all of his missions seemingly intact - there were invisible wounds on his brain from blast exposure. “We donated his brain to research and he had what’s called interface astral glial scarring,” Sara explained.
Two years before his suicide, Chad went in for extensive testing which revealed he did in fact have a TBI.
According to the Department of Defense, suicide among active-duty service members increased by 41.4% from 2015 to 2020.
“We talk a lot about mentally what they’ve seen and experienced in things like the loss of their friends. But when these veterans serve so much time and whether they’re injured overseas or in training, have TBIs - I always kind of refer to it as systemic derailment,” Sara said. “But it’s not just mental because it becomes physical, where they just feel bad and their bodies hurt. Coupled with constant headaches and lack of sleep, it’s a big problem. You hear people say things like it was the perfect storm and maybe that’s what it is.
The CHAD1000X Workout
Chad was an aspiring mountaineer, and following his death the world took to Chad’s workout for climbing expeditions: 1,000 box step-ups with a 45 lb pack. This workout is now known as CHAD1000X, and has grown to be a testament of the struggles our military face with PTSD, TBI’s and blast wave injury. As Chad often said, “Uncomfortable can’t last forever”.
In 2020, Sarah partnered with GORUCK to encourage the Chad 1000x workout in his honor for Veterans Day.
This annual Veterans Day workout now serves as a trademarked platform for fellow Americans to honor our veterans and their invisible wounds.
A Message of Hope and Awareness
“I don’t know how Chad felt but in my mind, it really hurts to think that he might have thought that I would be better off without him,” she shared. “Not only is that completely incorrect, in a lot of ways - it feels like betrayal. He didn’t even give me the chance to help. I know that I’ve always proven myself to be a solid teammate.
“If you see something, absolutely say something. It’s hard being a military spouse and it is not for the faint of heart. But it is part of your job to safeguard their health when they’re home. I live a permanent consequence to a decision I didn’t get to make that’s very hard and it sucks really bad,” Sara shared.
She had a message for the military members, too. “Whoever your person is in your life. In addition to you joining the military and being part of the bigger team, you chose that person to be on your team.
“My husband, Navy SEAL Chad Wilkinson, served honorably for 21 years. This is a silent disease where symptoms, triggers and warnings are often recognized too late. Chad is not alone, this is a silent epidemic with the enemy sneaking quietly into our homes and it has to stop. We want to use Chad’s life and legacy to raise awareness for suicide prevention. Our goal is to honor Chad and all Veterans currently struggling this and every Veterans Day moving forward.
Sara Wilkinson lost her husband when he died by suicide in 2018. Navy SEAL Chad Wilkinson was one of our nation’s finest Special Operators, having served 21 years in the Navy, many of those on SEAL Team Six.
Since losing Chad, you have become an entrepreneur, a business owner, a leader in mental health, an advocate for veterans, and an inspiration to all those who have lost somebody.
| Aspect | Details |
|---|---|
| Name | Chad Wilkinson |
| Service | Navy SEAL, 21 years |
| Teams | Seal Team 8 and Seal Team 6 |
| Cause of Death | Suicide (October 29, 2018) |
| Brain Injury | Interface astroglial scarring (similar to CTE, caused by blast waves) |
| Legacy | CHAD1000X workout, raising awareness for veteran suicide prevention |
| Wife | Sara Wilkinson, advocate for veterans and military spouses |
Popular articles:
tags: #Chad
