There seems to be a study looking into almost every possible factor that might affect marriages and lead to divorce. Falling in love is easy. Falling out of love is a little more complicated - especially when it leads to a divorce.
As of 2021, both marriage rates AND divorce rates in the US are decreasing with the marriage rate dropping from 8.2 per 1,ooo people in 2000 to 6.1 and the divorce rate from 4.0 in 2000 to 2.7. Currently, the divorce rate is 2.5 per 1,000 population (with 44 states and D.C. reporting). This is known as the “crude divorce rate”. Currently, the divorce rate per 1000 married women is 16.9. The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world.
Wives are the ones who most often file for divorce at 66 percent on average. January is considered “divorce month”. People start looking for information before the New Year starts, but they can’t do much until the attorneys are back in the office. Lack of commitment is the most common reason given by divorcing couples according to a recent national survey.
According to Dr. Jennifer Glass, one of the strongest factors predicting divorce rates (per 1000 married couples) is the concentration of conservative or evangelical Protestants in that county. 60 percent of cohabiting couples will eventually marry.
When compared to women who began sexual activity in their early 20s, girls who initiated sexual activity at ages 13 or 14 were less than half as likely to be in stable marriages in their 30s. Couples are an astonishing 76-95% more likely to get divorced if only one of them smokes. Each liter of alcohol consumed raises the chance of divorce by 20%! A multi-national study of mental disorders, marriage and divorce published in 2011 found that a sample of 18 mental disorders all increased the likelihood of divorce - ranging from a 20 percent increase to an 80 percent increase in the divorce rate.
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A new study entitled “Divorce and Death” shows that broken marriages can kill at the same rate as smoking cigarettes. Only around five percent of divorces are decided in the courtroom. Contact our reputable attorneys for a consultation!
Why do black marriages have the highest divorce rates?
Divorce Dynamics in the African American Community
Chicago matrimonial attorney Lester L. Barclay has guided more than 1,000 couples through divorce and shares his insights in the new book The African-American Guide to Divorce & Drama: Breaking Up Without Breaking Down. He shares his surprising findings from the frontlines of divorce in the Black community:
It Takes A Village to Get a Divorce
“When you’re Black, you’re not just married to one person, you’re married to a family. You’re married to a community. You may be married to a church. We’ve always embraced the concept that it takes a village. In many instances, people’s outside influences have significant impact over how we view things. It’s ‘I can’t make a move unless I talk with my pastor.’ We see litigants who will stand up before the judge and say I want to pray about this first or I want to talk this over with my family. Other people don’t always understand the position of community and family structure. For instance, you’ll have a grandmother who will come to court and the judge will say, ‘Well this is between the mother and father.’ Well in many instances, that grandmother is the one who is taking care of the kids.”
Women Pull the Purse Strings
“What makes our divorces different is that our community is formed around a matriarch. African-American women tend to be better-educated and higher-wage earners so when you’re ending a marital relationship the economic factors come into play. If you have an African-American woman who has her master’s degree and she’s married to someone who has a high school diploma and works at the post office, she’s not going to voluntarily pay alimony for maintenance to him. And so, the whole negotiating position of African-American women is much stronger when you see that they control the money. 40 or 50 years ago we were renters, now we’re owners.”
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Mental Health Neglect and Marriage Don’t Mix
“African-Americans don’t do as well with getting therapy. So for Black people who are having marital problems that may lead to divorce, we’re resistant to any kind of intervention by mental health. We perceive that, if I have to see a therapist, than something’s wrong with me. Often times, we don’t have the same resources available to us that the broader community has and even when we do have those resources, the stigma can be very challenging. For instance, African-American men rarely want to do therapy. And sometimes, Black women will say, ‘I’ve got to go see a lawyer and I’ve got to get out of this because I think we’re spinning our wheels. The train is stuck in the depot and because he won’t seek therapy.’”
Conditioned for Call and Response
“When we go to church, we yell out, ‘amen.’ If the preacher is off-tune, then you’re, ‘Oh Lord, please help ‘em.’ We’re just a more expressive people. I’ve seen White judges and lawyers who don’t fully understand how we express ourselves. A couple could be fighting like cats and dogs before the judge, but in the hallway, they are back friends again. And the judge looks at them and says, ‘Oh my God those people are out of control.’ But they might drive back in the same car. Just because we express ourselves a certain way, doesn’t necessarily mean that others understand what we mean when we express ourselves.
A Bad Marriage Can Have a Good Divorce
“Just because you have failed at your marriage, you shouldn’t fail again with a divorce. The drama from a divorce can often determine the course of how things progress in the future. If you end your marital relationship in an amicable way, that often sets the tone for how you interact in the future. But if it’s hostile and he’s angry at her or if she feels a sense of betrayal, all those things will likely not be forgotten. He will always remember that she cannot be trusted. She will vilify him. 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, whether in the church or outside of the church. We have to look at how we can end marriages in a peaceful way that gives dignity to both parties and keeps in mind doing what is in the best interest of the children if involved.”
Divorce is for Spouses, Not Children
“All children of a divorce are impacted by their parents’ divorce. Most children will tell you that they want their parents to be together. But they have little control over the outcome of a divorce situation. What tends to happen in the African-American community is that many fathers who get divorces from their spouses simply divorce the whole family and walk away. I have seen lawyers who don’t look like myself who will think, ‘I’ve gotten her the house, I’ve gotten her the kids. I’ve gotten her alimony.’ But that wife is saying, ‘more important than all those things is that he has a relationship with our children at the end of the day.’ That lawyer thinks he or she has done a great job for that client and at the same time, they don’t recognize the impact this is having on this family in the future. When a father divorces his children, when he divorces his spouse is a very tragic thing in our community.”
Different Skills Needed for Divorce
“Divorce is the ultimate disposal of the marital relationship. We plan for weddings, we plan for funerals but we do not plan for divorce. I tell folks considering divorce you need to look before you leap because for an African-American woman who has been dependent upon a husband for health insurance, there’s a possibility that you may lose your medical coverage. There’s a possibility that you may go from living in a home to living in an apartment. So all these dynamics go into the ending of a marriage, which can also be expensive. If you do decide to get divorced, settle your emotional issues before you begin dealing with your legal issues to avoid a drawn out and procey process. If you take a custody battle to court, it could easily cost you $30,000 to $75,000 in legal fees.”
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Mother Doesn’t Always Know Best
Our family structures have changed. Now we see fathers emerging as custodial parents where the mother use to automatically get custody in most jurisdictions. In many instances today, we’re looking at the parent who can act in the best interest of the children.”
Apologies Can Be a Divorce Anecdote
“One of the things that I have found is the most inexpensive way to maintain a relationship is the ability to say, I’m sorry. Sometimes people have a very difficult time with that, even though they may indicate otherwise that they’re able to basically communicate that part. It’s very difficult for some people to say I blew it and I want to work through this.
Divorce Among African Immigrants in the United States
African immigrants are all Africans from the African continent who come to the United States to reside permanently. Many of them eventually become US citizens. Some come as a family i.e. with their wives and children. Some come as single individuals. Many of these eventually meet women in the United States and get married to them. They may deliberately marry someone from their home countries. Many of those who do so told me that the cultural and regional similarities make the relationship easier.
Compared to their countries of origin, divorce among African families in the United States is very high. One factor is the impact of the new American culture. Africans in America stumble on the American culture of rights, and, in many cases, do not know how to handle it. In Africa, women are inferior to men, and men have more rights than women. In a typical family, women play domestic roles, while the men are the bread winners. Women do household chores, raise the kids and serve the husband.
In America, the women find that they have rights just like, if not, more than men. They hold important non-domestic jobs and are financially strong just like the men. They have equal say on issues in the home, and can financially contribute. The men resent some of these rights, and deem it unacceptable. They see them as challenges to their masculinity. Domestic abuse incidents are very high in African families. In Africa, it is normal for a husband to physically or verbally abuse his wife when the wife does something wrong. Wrong things may include extra-marital activity, not treating the kids very well, breaking something in the house, refusing to have intercourse or saying something disrespectful to the husband. The beating is an exercise of the man’s masculinity and punishment of the woman for the wrongful act. The beating does not subject the man to any punishment.
In the United States, domestic abuse is, fortunately, a crime that goes with serious consequences. If a man is charged with domestic abuse or assault of his wife, and is found guilty, he is subjected to a serious punishment. If the man is an immigrant, who has not become a citizen, he is also subject to deportation. Sometimes African wives take advantage of the consequences, and frequently lie to the police that their husbands have beaten them. There are instances when a wife that is offended by a dispute between herself and her husband, calls the police to lie that her husband has beaten her to cause the police to arrest the husband.
The highest number of divorces occur in African cross-culture and or racial marriages i.e. an African married to a Caucasian or Mexican or Asian or African American etc. Some of the divorces are simply rooted in the desire of a party to get an immigration “Green Card”, and deserting the marriage once the desire is achieved. Many are rooted in deep different cultural and racial problems. The spouses usually accept their racial differences. They have to look beyond it to get married. Their cultural problems are, however, tougher to overcome. They initially suppress their cultural identities and feelings during courtship. But the differences get out of control in the marriage. The African initially absorbs everything but eventually reacts against cultural traits that he dislikes. Both at some point do not understand that their different cultural experiences are subverting their relationship, and before they know, the marriage is mired in an acute difficulty.
When divorce occurs, the American domestic relations law governs. Issues of custody, child support, visitation (if there are children), property division (if there is property) and liability allocation (if any) are decided. The divorce leaves behind deep relationship cleavages and sometimes fatal animosities.
Disclaimer: The author of this article is an attorney who does general practice that includes family, immigration and criminal law. No portion should be deemed as legal advice. If you need legal advice on issues raised in the article, see a family, criminal or immigration attorney.
