Throughout the years, the Elf on the Shelf has become a rapidly growing tradition in family households. Over 17.5 million Elf on the Shelf toys have been adopted into family households worldwide. One specific tradition, the Elf on the Shelf, has caused controversy within many families.
The toy is based on a 2004 book by Carol Aebersold and Chanda Bell. Elf on the Shelf is a magical elf who comes to life each night, moving to new locations and reporting to Santa about the child’s behavior. The toy has become a phenomenon due to children excitedly waking up each morning to see the elf’s new location.
Parents move the elf around at night to convince their kids this lil’ guy is lurking, sometimes putting it in different places, sometimes doing shit like making it look like it spilled candy all over the floor. The whole nightmare is based on the 2005 children’s book by mother/daughter duo Carol Aebersold and Chanda Bell (illustrated by Coë Steinwart). Basically, the Elf (you know… the one on the shelf) acts as Santa’s spy.
When a child names the Elf, it magically comes to life each night between Thanksgiving and Christmas to report back to Santa about the child's behavior. It then returns home to a different spot than the night before, but the child must not touch it, or it will lose its magic.
“Santa’s Scout Elves don’t just help to keep up with the Nice List; they also share with Santa how families are spreading the spirit of Christmas,” the company said in a statement to the newspaper. “Many children note that their favorite moments throughout each season include waking up to see where the family’s Scout Elf has landed and the humorous scenes they sometimes set up. Citlali Zavala (made with Canva)
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Some parents enjoy coming up with fun and creative scenarios where they place the Elf, while others cringe at the concept. So, what considerations should parents consider when deciding if they will participate in the Elf on the Shelf? We asked Nicholas J. Westers, Psy.D., ABPP, a clinical psychologist at Children's Health℠ and Associate Professor at UT Southwestern.
Arguments Against the Elf on the Shelf
However, in recent years, a concern has risen. Some parents have spoken out and believe the toy is invasive, creepy, and dangerous due to wrong teachings. Parents are preventing the toy from entering their household as well as forbidding the toy to become an annual tradition.
I think we can all agree, even if you’re Team Elf. First, and very simply, it’s creepy. I mean, come on. These enslaved creatures in totally outdated holiday fits (Red felt? In this economy?) spy on your children and listen to their secrets? And why? Because an even *bigger* creep tells them to?
Overall, the Elf on the Shelf encourages gullibility in children rather than critical thinking. The Elf on the Shelf encourages mischievousness rather than good behavior. Elves are often placed in “creative” scenerios, which allows children to believe the elf has made a mess; as a result, they have the authority to copy the elf’s action without consequences. The Elf on the Shelf monitors children’s behavior, as well as deciding the child’s place on the naughty or nice list. Children are not realizing the importance of holidays, but rather focusing on the reward.
The Elf on the Shelf is an authority figure, replacing the authority of parents and threatening the trustworthiness of parents. My argument is threefold. It’s a lie (that does not encourage imagination), it threatens your parental trustworthiness, and it encourages credulity. But The Elf on the Shelf is basically a steroid shot for the Santa Lie-a physical reminder of the Santa lie in your house for a whole month.
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First of all, it's just lazy parenting - the easiest, but worst, way to get your children to behave. Secondly, children need to learn self-control and to do the right thing for its own sake. But a child who behaves because The Elf on the Shelf is watching and will tell Santa - that child is learning the exact opposite: that how they behave should be dictated by the rewards they receive. And this is not unproblematic.
Critics were suck to blast concerns over the tradition as overdramatic. “I don’t want to sound like a Grinch, but we shouldn’t be celebrating seasonal surveillance,” Albert Fox Cahn, executive director of the Surveillance Technology Oversight Project, told the newspaper.
“Omg. Let’s create a paranoid, neurotic generation scared of everything. The Elf on the Shelf balloon floats down Central Park West in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade 2015.
One philosophy argues that Elf on a Shelf is a lie, threatens the trustworthiness of parents, and encourages gullibility in children rather than critical thinking. Some say that it inadvertently teaches children that their behavior should be governed by potential rewards (i.e., if you behave well, you’ll get more gifts on Christmas).
I will get off my soap box now. Maybe I’m “preaching to the choir” with you. Don’t misunderstand me here. Don’t believe me? That’s okay. I do believe in supporting children to get what they truly want in life-more connection, joy and love.
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There are so many (and I mean SO many) reasons why, many of which have already been whispered about in quiet corners of the internet where crunchy moms who raise their eyebrows at vaccines can’t find us. Real quick: If you’re not aware of the backstory, I’ll bore you with the deets for a sec.
The whole point of the elf is to con your kids into behaving. I realize politics makes it seem like bribery is A-okay, but it’s actually a lot more beneficial to praise your children for being good people instead of scaring them into not being dicks. Granted, the elf concept stems from the Santa lie. And while some parents choose to skip that whole thing (because, again, it’s a lie), I’m not about to take away centuries of feel-good tradition.
Because receiving love should never be a reward for being good. But for love as a child? Respectfully, why TF is society giving mothers more shit to do during the holidays?
I’m already at my fucking breaking point, and now I’m supposed to put an elf in silly little positions at night in an effort to get children to behave during a month when they’re living off the rush and anticipation of sugar-promised presents?
I've put up the tree. I’ve wrapped the presents. For the love of God, don’t make me stay up at night Pinteresting ideas about what to do with my family’s elf to trick my kids into thinking they’re spied on. Between the shitty lessons we’re teaching future generations to simply how annoying the entire process is, perhaps it’s time we did the right thing and freed Santa’s slaves once and for all. I mean, even the elves in J.K.
The first problem I have with “Elf on the Shelf” is that it promotes sneakiness in children. I’ve heard stories of thoughtful children putting the elf in a box, turning him around, or covering him up so he can’t “see” them.
So, if you scare a child into thinking “I might not get any Christmas gifts” then you make it less likely that the child will be able to think about giving and being generous to others. We can only be generous when we know that we have enough, it’s easy to share if you have an abundance or if you know that the universe will provide for you.
“Elf on the Shelf” undermines a child’s natural motivation to try hard and do her best. For example, if a child cleans up her room in the hope of getting more presents at Christmas, she’ll be less likely to clean up her room at other times of the year, because there’s no incentive. Why? Because getting an incentive for something lessens the enjoyment of the task itself. Once a child is given a reward for something (like cleaning) it robs them the enjoyment that comes from having a clean room or, Heaven forbid!, the enjoyment that comes from cleaning itself.
This isn’t even coming just from me! The Elf’s strategy of offering children rewards in exchange for ‘good’ behavior is likely not an effective strategy. Research finds that tangible rewards (such as presents) that are expected (that is, promised in advance) and are not linked to performance (as is often the case for Christmas presents) are linked with decreased intrinsic or internally driven motivation.
This means that, even if the promise of Christmas presents resulted in improved behavior for the month of December, children will be less likely to continue to choose to behave in this way after the promise of Christmas presents is removed. Put even more simply; your child could become more likely to misbehave after Christmas is over if you use this strategy … Research also shows that expressing disappointment in children and shaming them as a disciplinary tactic may be associated with increased anxiety and aggression.
Because the thing is, what happens when these kids grow into adults and discover there’s no tangible reward for being good? The elf? That asshole’s only purpose is to physically keep tabs on your children. It’s not delivering gifts or running around the globe on an impossible deadline.
Not sure about you, but I didn’t have an elf breathing down my neck, and I turned out fine. (Okay, not “fine.” I’m a disaster. But I blame that on my daddy issues and the fact that I never got an American Girl Doll). Growing up, I knew I was never actually going to be on Santa’s naughty list because that’s fucking sinister. Even the year I jabbed my brother’s butt with a pencil, and he had to go to the ER, I still got presents!
First, it most certainly is a lie. Of course, not all lies are morally wrong. Lies done for noble or monumental purposes are morally excusable, sometimes even morally praiseworthy. Second, your children rely on you to give them accurate information about the way the world is, and you should want them to trust and believe what you say. But finding out that you have been lying to them - and even been playing an elaborate joke on them (for example by moving the elf yourself but telling them it moves on its own) - has the possibility of significantly eroding their ability to trust you.
Think it's not a big deal? In some stories I have collected, children come to doubt God's existence after learning the truth about Santa; "If mom and dad are lying about Santa, they're probably lying about God too.” This is actually fairly good reasoning. Third, it promotes credulity - a gullibility and propensity to believe things that are false.
If a child has concluded...that it's impossible for a man in a flying sleigh to make it all the way around the world in one night, delivering elf made replicas of all the stuff you see in Target and Best Buy, then that's a child I would be happy to steer toward a voting booth when she's 18. That's an American in search of facts. If, however, she goes on pretending to believe well into her teens (I encountered more than one such teenager in Frisco) because it makes her parents (and God) feel sweet and happy, then I become worried.
But I would like to add a fourth objection to all this Christmas lying-an objection to something that can be present in the Santa Claus lie as well, but is the main purpose of The Elf on the Shelf lie: goading your children into behaving with promises of future lavish reward. I'm not denying it is useful for this purpose. Now, don’t get me wrong, mild rewards in response to spontaneous positive behavior can be a good thing. Children develop good character with good habits and we want to encourage the development of those habits by sometimes rewarding good behavior when we see it.
Arguments in Favor of the Elf on the Shelf
On the other hand, many psychologists suggest that, like believing in Santa, participating in the Elf on the Shelf can foster creativity and imagination. If telling your child that the Elf leaves each night to see Santa feels wrong, you may consider simply encouraging them to wonder about the possibilities of the Elf coming to life and what it might do each night.
It’s fine. At least Santa encourages kindness sans snitching and fosters imagination. Most of us don’t hire some overweight guy to shimmy down the chimney in the middle of the night to convince our offspring a MAN has the work ethic to visit every household (!) in the world (!!) in one night (!!!) and keep his marriage intact.
Don’t get me wrong - kudos to Carol and Chanda. They basically made a new Santa for this generation of social media-obsessed parents complete with endless ways to cash in, ranging from movies to apps to pets (yeah, the elves now have pets). But most of all, I’m furious about the added mom guilt this holiday season.
Ironically, I most recently found evidence for my position in an article written by child psychologist Melinda Wenner Moyer (for Slate Magazine) where she argues in favor of the Santa-lie. (She thinks it’s okay because it encourages imagination. She’s wrong; it doesn’t. Please forgive me. I'm just trying to encourage you - in fact, everyone - to think a little bit more critically before you fall for the next Christmas fad. And I'm not saying you shouldn't buy The Elf on the Shelf. In fact, go buy 40! They make cute decorations. It's like Santa.
Families might put the Elf on a bookshelf or among canned food items, and encourage children to select books or food items to donate to local nonprofits. Some families choose to have their Elf on the Shelf serve an even greater purpose, and use it to teach children about giving back to their community.
“I printed out a letter that explained that the elf doesn’t report back if you’ve been naughty or nice, he reports back only the GOOD things you’ve done. I LOVE baking all sorts of sweet treats! I binge watch Criminal Minds day and night! I love CATS! It was less than a week after I gave birth to my son that the “Elf on the Shelf” conversation first happened. I was still wearing a diaper, and my stitches weren’t even healed when my cousin - who flew in (uninvited!) from the Midwest - asked if she could be there someday when we ~ adopted our elf~. Mind you, at the time, I was too distracted by the fact that I had just pushed a human out of my vagina to know WTF she was talking about.
It’s like Santa. Santa has had his fair share of helpers over the years-the Austrian Krapmus, the Dutch Zwarte Piet (Black Peter) and the German Knecht Ruprecht, just to name a few. You likely know someone who has one; you may even have one yourself. Most see it as fun and harmless and innocent, but I would like to argue it is not.
For those who don't know what The Elf on the Shelf is, it is simply a small elf doll that you can place on a shelf (which you can buy for $29.95). But the controversial part is what you tell the kids about The Elf on the Shelf: “The elf is actually alive and moves around when you're not looking. He's watching you and you never know where he will turn up next. “Every year at Christmas, Santa sends his elves to watch you. And they go back and tell him who's been bad and who's been good. The Elf on the Shelf is watching you, what you say, and what you do. Kids are not allowed to touch him and you are supposed to move him around every night to a different place in the house so the kids think he's alive. Fun right? A little Christmas joy along with an easy way to keep the children behaving for about a month. What could possibly be wrong with this seemingly harmless practice?
I realize the elf is just “doing its job,” and Santa’s the one with the naughty/nice list, but that feels more like an empty threat.
If parents do call on the Elf to report to Santa, it should be used much more often to reinforce good behavior rather than to report problem behavior. Using the Elf as a threat for punishment (e.g., no presents) may be fear-inducing and contrary to the goal of using the Elf to bring joy.
Navigating the Decision: Family Values and Motivations
The answer comes down to your family’s motivations, values and beliefs. Should families participate in Elf on the Shelf?
For instance, if the primary motive is to add more magic or tradition to the Christmas season for parents and their children, then the Elf on the Shelf might be a fun way to do that. However, if parents feel pressure to keep up with other parents by matching or one-upping the ideas they post on social media - or if what was initially intended as a source of joy becomes more of a burden - then maybe the Elf on the Shelf should pack up and return to the North Pole.
What is most important is for families to determine if the Elf on the Shelf is congruent with their own family values and/or religious faith. Parents who yearn to share the magic and creativity of the Elf on the Shelf but do not want to lie, even if culturally acceptable in this case, can tell children the truth and join with them in "pretending" it comes to life each night. In the end, the Elf on the Shelf does not have to be a friend or a foe.
Managing a child's behavior (e.g., frequently stating, "The Elf on the Shelf is going to tell Santa how bad you're being"), may not be the best primary motive. Children might interpret this as being labeled as a “bad” person, rather than understanding that their behavior was bad, but they can change that.
Some children become distraught once they learn that Santa is not real or realize they have been lied to about Santa. However, most children handle the news quite well (and often it is their parents who experience the disappointment). Similarly, there is little to no evidence to suggest that the Elf on the Shelf has an overall negative psychological impact on children. To lie or not to lie?
What happens when these children grow up and discover that in the real world, it is lying and cheating that earns the most rewards? And this is not unproblematic.
Overall, the Elf on the Shelf encourages gullibility in children rather than critical thinking.
I'm not denying it is useful for this purpose.
Here's a table summarizing the key arguments for and against the Elf on the Shelf:
| Arguments For | Arguments Against |
|---|---|
| Fosters creativity and imagination | Promotes sneakiness in children |
| Adds magic and tradition to the Christmas season | Undermines a child's natural motivation |
| Can be used to teach children about giving back | Encourages gullibility rather than critical thinking |
| Reinforces good behavior | Threatens parental trustworthiness |
| Can be fear-inducing and contrary to the goal of bringing joy |
Ethical Decision Making: Kinds of Ethical Dilemmas
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